Choices

I’m having real trouble with obedience lately. It doesn’t seem to be the BIG things in life that challenge me, it always seems to be the so-called LITTLE things. Is there really any such thing as “little” disobedience? I think not. Is everything black and white with God? I think perhaps more so than we imagine. Are there gray areas in this God-Life we live? Maybe not so much. (terrible grammar, but you get my drift).

The trouble I’m having has to do with eating. I’m not a picky eater, I just plain love to eat. Like any petulant child, I don’t really long for things I shouldn’t have, until someone tells me I can’t have it; then I develop fierce cravings for that which has been forbidden. Will I ever grow up? One can only hope.

God has told me what to eat and what not to eat for this season of my life. Why should it be such a struggle? I know that His instruction is only for my own good; I know it comes from a heart of love for me; I know it will only produce life in me; I know that obedience will only serve to make me more Christ-like. So what’s the problem? Why would I not embrace something that can only serve to better me on every level?

For me, it’s about the choices. I hate making choices. Sometimes I wish that God would not give me choices, just make them for me Lord, and thus remove the possibility for failure. I convince myself that I could succeed in the area of eating if someone would just deliver three healthy meals to my door every day, and eliminate all choices (and extra food) from my home and my life. I convince myself that I could succeed in the area of time-management if someone else would just hand me a detailed schedule at the start of every day (I love crossing things off a to-do list – sound a little OCD?).

But would I? If the desire is there in me for anything other than that which is clearly God’s perfect will for me, won’t I eventually find a way to have what I want unless that desire is removed from me?

And, therein lies the rub. Am I willing to be delivered from all ungodly or unprofitable desires? (I make that distinction because what is unprofitable for me, may not be so for you, thus it would be unfair to deem it ungodly. Only that which is called unclean by God can be called unclean by man). Am I truly willing to be purified of all that would hinder me, even the seemingly “little’ things?

I bet that my dear friend, Marie, a career Marine, would tell me that even the smallest act of disobedience could get me killed on the battlefield; (aren’t we in a battle all the time?). I bet she would tell me that even the smallest acts of disobedience could hinder my possibilities for advancement in the military; (aren’t we in an army?). I bet she would tell me what we always taught our children, that delayed obedience IS disobedience, and thus a punishable offense. I wish she were here to make all of my choices for me – why do I hate choices so much?

Maybe, just maybe I hate them because they require responsibility, maturity, discernment, godly wisdom, courage and discipline, on my part. “Be courageous!” said Joshua, “You must hold fast to the Lord”, “Take careful heed to yourselves, that you love the Lord” “fear the Lord … serve Him in sincerity and truth … choose for yourselves whom you will serve…” Joshua 23:6, 8, 11, 24:14-15.

Everyday God sets before us life and death, and He tells us to choose life, (Deut 30:19-20). What’s so hard about that? Nothing, if your heart has been purged of all that is contrary to God and His purposes. Why do I balk at the weighty responsibility that comes with the privilege of making choices?

Perhaps it is because I have not fully embraced my calling to partner with God in bringing His Kingdom to earth. Have I let myself forget that the work of the cross is a finished work, and that it has been granted to me to co-labor with God to see His plans and purposes implemented in the earth? Is my disdain for making choices uncommon? Do you struggle too?

Could it be that our inability to fully co-labor with Christ, as reflected in our unwillingness to make needed choices in our lives is part of the reason that Jesus said, “The harvest truly is great, but the laborers are few; therefore pray the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest.” Luke 10:2

Change my heart, O God! Make me willing Lord! Help me be grateful for the privilege of making choices, and grant me the wisdom to make godly ones.

“I call heaven and earth as witnesses today against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing; therefore choose life, that both you and your descendants may live; that you may love the LORD your God, that you may obey His voice, and that you may cling to Him, for He is your life and the length of your days; and that you may dwell in the land which the LORD swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, to give them.” Deut 30:19-20