I began capturing these thoughts as they were coming from God while sitting in a hospital waiting room on August 7th, as we awaited word that our precious daughter, Elizabeth, had safely come through surgery. We had been told two days before that her seventeen week old baby girl had died in her womb, and we had been fervently praying that God would raise her tiny mortal body to life again. As I cried out to God around the clock, I asked for one thing above all – a testimony in the earth. I knew what I would like that testimony to look like, but I can honestly tell you that above my own heart’s desire, I wanted to receive the testimony that would bring the most glory to God.
Lest you think me noble, let me assure you that there was little virtue in my willingness. I have simply learned in my forty years as a believer that it is foolish to long for anything but the will of God, for His power is always invested in His will – and in nothing else. With faith the size of a mustard seed, we can indeed move mountains; but faith the size of a mountain will not move even a pebble apart from the will of God. I think, perhaps, that we must learn to devote far more soul energy to discerning the will of God than to beseeching Him to do our will.
Ten days prior to learning of our grandchild’s death, we learned that someone very dear to us was in desperate need of rescue. We were completely caught off guard by this great need, but we are comforted in knowing that our great God was not at all surprised. He has always been mighty to save, and He is still able and willing to rescue His children.
As Scott and I have been working on the outline for a book on the topic of rescuing the people of God, I honestly thought that our ability to teach certain aspects of rescue was complete. Nothing could be further from the truth. How arrogant of me to think for even a moment that my revelation on anything was complete. And so, we are in great need of God’s wisdom and discernment and once again we take up our weapons which are not carnal, but are mighty for the pulling down of strongholds. Though we now face the greatest challenge we have ever faced in our lives, I know this to be true: “Through God we will do valiantly, for it is He who shall tread down our enemies” Psalm 60:12.
As the Lord is daily leading us through these trials, I see more and more with each new day that I am highly favored to be permitted this severe mercy. Those who love us would endeavor to shield us from pain and suffering, a very natural and humane desire. While their love for me compels them to do so, I must allow my love for God to compel me to resist their efforts. I can and should embrace their comfort in times of suffering, but must resist any effort to keep me from those things which, ultimately, can only serve to conform me to the image of the Firstborn Son, who was perfected through what He suffered (another great mystery indeed),
“He learned obedience by the things which He suffered. And having been perfected, He became the author of eternal salvation to all who obey Him.” Hebrews 5:8-9
Oh, how we would love to understand the mysteries of God without having to walk into the shadows of death and wildernesses among which they are often hidden. But, like a porcelain vase that has a beautiful picture painted on it and then must pass through the fire so that the image can become a permanent part of the vase, so we too must pass through the fire after we receive revelation so that it will be forever emblazoned upon our hearts. When that happens, no mere man can separate you from your revelation, no matter how persuasive his argument.
Sadly, I have often presumed to teach that which was, at best, revelation, or at worst, some meager understanding, and then wondered why it seemed to bear so little fruit. For neither revelation, or gifting, or knowledge are, in and of themselves, sufficient to impart life – which, after all, is the essence of ministry.
Gifts are given freely and cost us nothing, and are often used indiscriminately. It still amazes me that God does not remove them from us when we mishandle them; but one of the great mysteries of God, is that, “… the gifts and calling of God are irrevocable” Romans 11:29. Ministry, on the other hand, is very costly and weighty. If I have received revelation from God, then I must be willing to be put into whatever kiln God knows will best serve His purposes, so that the revelation and I may be refined, purified and made fit for ministry. Afterward, the life of Christ will issue forth from me with the power to produce life in others. How much we will miss of God if we are unwilling to be put through His all consuming fire, for, “It is through much tribulation that we enter the Kingdom” Acts 14:22.
When God decides to deal with us, rest assured that He will not stop until our trials lead us through to triumph. “” Philippians 1:6. The Great Refiner will fan the flames until they are hot enough to accomplish His purpose, which is to purge us of all impurity that would hinder His image from being perfectly reflected in us. As a dear young African bible school student told me on one of our trips to Botswana, “the excellence of Christ in us cannot be seen unless we are willing to be broken and crushed through carrying the cross”. The great Rescuer of our souls will indeed rescue us in His own way, and His ways seldom take the path of escape from suffering, because He knows that these momentary, light afflictions are working for us an eternal weight of glory.
And so, Beloved, as we pass through these “dark nights of the soul”, what is it that God is really after in all of us? I think it just might be, at least in part, a “White Garden”. When a garden is filled with only white flowers, it is meant to be enjoyed on a “White Night”.
Choose a space for your garden that is far removed from all shade trees so that it can be filled with unfiltered moonlight. Plant a wide variety of white flowers whose bloom times are varied to allow for optimal flowering throughout your gardening season. Choose from a variety of Casablanca lilies, Mountain lilies, Calla lilies, Veronica, Shasta daises, Obedience plants, Queen Anne’s Lace, White Cone flowers, etc.
Now wait for your “White Night” – one of those nights when the moon is so full and bright that it spreads its light all over the sky and outshines the stars. Wait for a night when the moonlight bathes the earth with the glory of God, caressing everything within its reach. One of the wonderful things about “White Nights” is that very few people stay awake to enjoy them, so it’s a great time to walk and talk alone with God, who, by the way, loves to walk in gardens in the cool of the day (Genesis 3:8). The beauty of the white flowers will dazzle your eyes, I am told, and will by far surpass that of any colored flowers you will ever gaze upon by the light of day.
On the night after Elizabeth’s surgery (actually it was the wee hours of the next morning) sleep was elusive. At 1:15am, the Lord told me to go outside and walk in the garden, as He had something to show me. As I made my way through the house, I was thrilled to see that there was a “White Night” waiting for me outside. The backyard was aglow with that “luster of midday” we read about in Christmas poems.
As I have not yet had time, space, or energy to plant a white garden of my own, I began to stroll the length of the long pathway that bisects my largest perennial garden. Having some inclination of what it was God wanted to show me, I immediately began to take note of the white flowers. Though small in size and number, their beauty surpassed the colored flowers that, though larger and more plentiful, were more difficult to discern by moonlight.
It didn’t take long at all for me to begin to learn that night’s le
ssons. First of all, as I gazed up at a glorious, though not quite full moon, I was reminded of the fact that moonlight is reflected light. As we pass through these dark nights of the soul, our inclination, far too often, is to isolate ourselves. In doing so, we forsake God’s instruction; “And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching” Hebrews 10:24-25. When my vision is clouded by sorrow’s tears, when my heart becomes even a little bit hardened through self pity, when my ears are dulled to comfort because I don’t feel ready to be comforted; it is then that I most desperately need the brethren. Through them, the light of Christ is reflected, even as His fragrance is diffused, to me. In allowing them to know the fellowship of my suffering, I have found that reflected light to be one of God’s most precious means for guiding me through dark and troubled times.
Secondly, I quickly took note of how few white flowers I had planted in my garden over the years. I was saddened when the lesson struck home; the white flowers represented those things in my spiritual garden that were absolutely pure, free from mixture. We all love the colorful flowers that are enjoyed in the light of day, even as we are drawn to the colorful things in each other. Spiritual gifts can be very colorful, as can personalities. Though we can and should enjoy the “color” in each other, we should never forget for a moment that these colorful attributes are seldom without some degree of mixture. White is the absence of color, and therefore without mixture. How sobering it was to realize how little in my life was without mixture; but how comforted I was to know that change can come to my spiritual garden. The colors are there for a reason; they are beautiful and so to be desired, but I can assure you that I will be endeavoring to cultivate many more pure, white plants in both my natural and spiritual gardens from now on.
The third and final lesson of that white night was that white gardens are primarily for God’s enjoyment. When we are going through fiery trials, the only things that really matter are those things that are wholly of God; those undiluted, unadulterated, pure things that cannot be shaken. Not only do those things comfort us and keep us anchored in storms, but as they are revealed in us, they bring glory to God, and also give Him great pleasure. God derives far greater pleasure than we ever could from gazing upon His own creation.
And so, dear ones, let us continue to fight the good fight of faith, embracing the heat of cleansing flames all the while, laying aside all that hinders, striving for that which is pure and undefiled. I have never forgotten the words of a simple bumper sticker I read one day; obviously on the car of the proud parent of a Marine. I often remember its words when in the thick of battle:
“To those who fight for it, life has a flavor the protected never know”
About five days into the fiery battle that has been raging around us, the Lord gave me the following song – music and lyrics – as a promise of deliverance for the beloved saint whose rescue we are fighting for. It is Redemptions Song. As I sing it over and over as a reminder to myself of what God promises to do for this child of His, I am reminded of all that He has done for me, and of all that He promises to continue to do. As we read in the book of Hosea, God does not cast us aside when we fall, but is willing to rescue us over and over and over again. I pray that I never tire of singing the glorious song of redemption.
REDEMPTION’S SONG
Alanna Jennings
You raised me up, when I was weak,
You heard me when I could not speak.
When all was dark, and I was lost,
You rescued me, upon a cross.
Unending love, amazing grace,
That You would come, and take my place.
Now I believe, now I have faith,
Because these are the days of grace.
Now I receive this gift of love,
Because of You, I have this faith.
You bore my sin, You bore my shame,
And by the power of Your Name;
You took my brokenness and pain,
And You have made me whole again.
Unending love, amazing grace,
That You would come, and take my place.
Now I believe, now I have faith,
Because these are the days of grace.
Now I receive this gift of love,
Because of You, I have this faith.
And the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and the story of the Lord
shall be told. For the glory of the Lord shall be poured forth, as it never was before in days of old.
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